Weirdo Arrested For Giving Some Random Kid A Wet Willy

A 34-year-old man was arrested yesterday after “allegedly” giving a four-year-old kid a wet willy in a doctor’s office. The police report says the kid was playing with his mom in the waiting room when the guy just took a big ol’ suck of his finger and inserted it right into junior’s ear canal.

“Show me on this doll where he touched you, son.”

The mom alerted staff — instead of just going “what the fuck are you doing??!” and cracking him across the mouth with an old issue of Vogue — and when staff confronted him, he ran for the hills. Cops caught him a little while later. Presumably in the place where wet willy enthusiasts hang.

He’s charged with second-degree reckless endangerment and second-degree breach of peace. He was released on $500 bond.

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